Monday, August 28, 2006

Confessions From a Motherless Grown Up Daughter

  • I don't make the beds every day.
  • I don't keep the bathrooms as clean as I should.
  • I use swear words.
  • I don't eat all my fruits and veggies every day.
  • I drink too much wine (but only sometimes).
  • Yes, way too much.
  • I have gotten away with a white lie or two (cause you aren't here to catch me like you always did)
  • You always did.
  • I don't like all of the recipes you handed down to me.
  • But I love most of them.
  • I am a really bad procrastinator.
  • Sometimes I am not as smart with my money, as you tried to teach me.
  • But usually I am.
  • I have worn your diamond engagement & wedding rings since the day you died. I took them off your hand, placed them on my right hand.
  • I have not missed a day.
  • Your diamond is bigger than mine.
  • I have the world's worst filing system.
  • I am a packrat (you taught me well there).
  • I am still a terrible singer, you also granted me that lack of talent.
  • I want my children to explore, discover, experience, and believe in everything, just as I did as a child. I am not convinced I am doing as good a job as you did, but I am doing my best.
  • I bought fridge magnets that say that.
  • Blogger won't let me upload that picture right now. Blogger sucks.
  • I don't exercise as much as I should.
  • I should be healthier.
  • I should volunteer more.
  • I don't wear short pants. Did I ever tell you I think all of your pants were too short?
  • I whine and complain too much, even though I have more than I could ever dream of.
  • You NEVER complained. Never.
  • I think I am a better dancer than you.
  • I pay my bills on time.
  • I have overdue library books.
  • I have a crush on a 16 year old lifeguard...
  • ...and Anderson Cooper. Is he gay? Not that there is anything wrong with that.
  • I still cannot watch a movie without eating or nibbling on something. Neither could you.
  • I stay up waaaay too late at night.
  • I want to spoil my children.
  • You taught me not to, and how not to. I hope I am doing a good job.
  • I still talk too much, often putting my foot in my mouth. You were never afraid to tell me to shut up.
  • I think of you as much as I would if you were still alive.
  • Maybe more.
  • I want to give you more grandchildren, even though you will never meet them, in person.
  • I still talk to you. Out loud.
  • I still ask for guidance.
  • I ask you to look over my family and other special friends who need it.
  • I believe you do.
  • I miss you that it hurts physically. Not just a saying, it really does.
  • I love you. Not loved, as in past tense, but love you.
  • More.

13 Comments:

Blogger Silver Creek Mom said...

{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}

Can't say more than that ...words fail me.

8:55 AM EDT  
Blogger Marla said...

(sighs with longing.) How lucky you are to have had a good mother. And your boys are lucky to have you.

10:16 AM EDT  
Blogger DaniGirl said...

Oh Nancy...

I think that was the best post ever - in your blog or anybody's. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. And I'm nodding along to *so* *many* of your points.

That was so hard to read, but so good to read, too.

1:38 PM EDT  
Blogger nancy said...

Thanx everyone...that post comes across a little more 'sad' than it was intended, but it still means a lot to me.

Dani - you also have a crush on Anderson Cooper? or is it the lifeguard?

1:52 PM EDT  
Blogger twinmomplusone said...

beautifully said nancy

2:20 PM EDT  
Blogger Northern Mom said...

Nancy,
I read this at work and couldn't get a the comments to load.
I had tears in my eyes reading it. I can only imagine losing my mom....
Hugs to you
Barb

6:13 PM EDT  
Blogger Beth said...

Brilliant. Thank you, Nancy.

10:23 PM EDT  
Blogger nancy said...

Thanx so much yourselves, I too also love this post.

10:35 PM EDT  
Blogger kate5kiwis said...

oh (found ya via twin mom)
huge love to you. i have a prickly nose now. and tears threatening to spill over.
and seeing we're doin confessions: i have a huge crush on captain jack sparrow...

4:18 AM EDT  
Blogger BeachMama said...

Your Mom would be so proud of you.

9:11 AM EDT  
Blogger PunditMom said...

What a great post! Are we twins? There are so many things on your list that describe me to a T.

5:56 PM EDT  
Blogger Goslyn said...

No tears at 9 am. It's my rule. And here you made me break it. Pooh.

Beautifully written, Nancy.

9:22 AM EDT  
Anonymous carolann said...

Nance, your mom would so think you are doing just as good a job as she did!! We all do the best we can.

Beautiful post!! Brought tears to my eyes and goose bumps all over!

1:23 AM EDT  

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