Saturday, June 17, 2006

Odds

With the chances of us having another baby nearing about 0.5:bagazillion, why, then oh why, it is SO bloody hard for me to part with 3-6 month old onesies. You know the ones, the favourite super soft ones from Old Navy, and the multi-coloured one from Gymboree (thank you aunty fay!), and don't forget my most favouritest Winnie the Pooh ones from Winners.

We are having a garage sale tomorrow morning (today, actually...we do EVERYTHING at the last minute). We have to much stuff, including (not a miscount) 14 Pampers boxes FULL of clothing from age 0 - 36 months. The father to my two boys says, "If we get lucky enough to have another, we'll just buy new stuff".

I don't wanna buy NEW stuff!!!

My heart implodes at the thought of another potential baby wearing the same clothes and his/her older brothers. Stained and faded, and well, OURS.

Can you tell I want another baby?

I am fully aware that wanting doesn't mean getting, but giving up the want, ends that dream. Oh sure, there are more dreams to reach for, bigger and better, but I want one that barfs and shits all over me and keeps me awake for 6 months. (It would only be 6 months, right?)

I am even MORE than fully aware and experienced that being an infertile, that want/dream is even that so much more farther away (good grammar, eh? gimme a break, it's almost 1 AM).

I want another baby so much it hurts. There was a phone in show on the radio about breastfeeding. I was listening to it, I think I felt my nipples tingle at the memory of sharing such a life altering experience. Then there was the time one of my friends was bf-ing her 12 month old, he was such a good latcher, eater, and they both just seemed oh, so content. I KNOW my breasts were practically leaking that day (this was just 3 weeks ago, and no, I have not breastfed in just over 3 years.)

I did manage to convince the other half to keep one crib, and one infant car seat. What's it gonna take to be able to keep 14 boxes?? This is serious.

And then there are the fitted crib sheets, you know the ones, super soft flannel with the cars, the ducks, and of course, Winnie the Pooh.

*sniff*

Edited after a few hours of attempted sleep: I should replace 'want' with 'would like', but that is just way too much work to re-write the whole thing. I also don't have time, gotta go continue setting up. Just came in to get a box of kleenex for when someone hands over a looney for the blue & white starred 9 month old jammies.

14 Comments:

Anonymous eph2810 said...

I hope that your hopes become reality...

Congrats on your silver medal at the training camp - it is ready for 'pick-up'. Thank you for playing along.

2:00 AM EDT  
Blogger Northern Mom said...

Oh Nancy..I can so relate to how you are feeling about wanting another. I wonder with myself though..its it because I know I can't have another and after Septmeber it will be impoosible.
I dug out some 10lb sleepers the other day and they fit Jo's dolls...how sad is that?

Hope the yard sale is a success!

Barb

1:55 PM EDT  
Blogger Silver Creek Mom said...

Nancy I kept some of Nathana nd Miranda's baby stuff just because I can. Not that I want another baby. I know now that I would be a resident at the Royal Ottawa. Even jack Can't throw out Nathan's baby bottles.
I remember the drive to have a baby. That why my body is in the shape it's in.
I hope whatever you two do, it eases soon.

Hugs

2:29 PM EDT  
Blogger twinmomplusone said...

Dear nancy, my heart goes out to you. I can so appreciate that want. I've so been there. I kept EVERYTHING of big sis even though I knew we just may never have another child. Yet my want became an obsession. Ultimately its what drove me to, sucessfully and oh so blessedly, have twins at 40. And yes SCM, taht's why my body is the way it is too :( Now, when its time to retire outgrown things, my heart breaks too. Some things they all wore or played with. I end up keeping a few before selling/giving the rest.

good luck my friend, with teh garage sale, and with the way you will ultimately deal with your "want" (forget the "would like", too weak)

hugs

7:04 PM EDT  
Anonymous Valerie said...

Nancy, I know all too well that longing. I pray you may have another, but a girl this time so no regrets on giving up the boy clothes.

Wishing I lived closer and could buy up your 14 boxes...

9:31 PM EDT  
Anonymous Snack Mommy said...

Anyone who thinks an emotional longing cannot physically hurt has not longed to have a child.

11:07 AM EDT  
Blogger BeachMama said...

Well said Snack Mommy. I don't know if I can top that Nancy, but I do share and feel your pain each and every day. Every time I hold my little neice a peice of me stays with her. Sometimes I ache so much that it hurts. I may never get rid of "J's" stuff, just because and one day if I have to pay for storage for it, so be it.

My heart is with you my friend, I hope the sale went well for you.

1:07 PM EDT  
Blogger Tonya said...

Hi I'm new to your blog :) I feel ya with the keeping everything! I have kept most everything so far and do not want to give it away or sell it! It all holds such sentimental value.. lol

3:49 PM EDT  
Blogger Barbara said...

Keep a few things, your absolute favorites!

I stopped by to say thanks for playing in the Blog Olympics Training Camp!

11:08 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh Nancy. After my dealings with IF and having three kids (gifts) now, I know exactly how you feel. I'm starting to think of getting rid of our baby stuff and I don't know if I can. Maybe, just maybe I might want another...oh I do feel guilty about having three and wanting another but I just love them so much and think another would be great. I know it's never gonna happen, but even thinking about getting rid of the stuff gets me choked up.

Hugs,
Donna

8:26 AM EDT  
Anonymous Chantal said...

Even being done and happy, I have a box of little outfits I can't part with. Like you said "they're OURS." I love the memories they bring back.

1:11 PM EDT  
Blogger Farm Mommy Kirsten said...

Thank you so much. I feel so less alone in the painful, I wish I felt nauseous because then I might be pregnant, heart crunching desire for another child. It's good to know there are others who look for and accept support from strangers when some of these feelings are too hard to share with those we see and love each day. Follow your heart on this one and you'll find a way.

1:09 PM EDT  
Blogger Marla said...

Do the things still smell like babies? Because I miss the smell of babies.

4:58 PM EDT  
Anonymous Binkytown said...

Oh... I feel it too. I think it's part of our DNA. I have a friend asking to borrow my bouncy seat and I can hardly stand the thought of parting with it even for a few months, because, you know, my BABY used to sit in it.. even though he's not a baby and Im not expecting one in the near future, its so hard to let go of it..

12:23 PM EDT  

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