Thursday, June 15, 2006

The Itch

So I have this itch. Not so much an itching to do something, just an itch. One of those nasty-ass yeast type itch. I am the former Queen of Yeast, having endured constant itchings on a daily, weekly, monthly basis until I dealt with it. For good.

In 1999 I was finally diagnosed that my recurrent yeast ouchies (among other symptoms) as a result of candida. So, I did as I was told, and followed their very strict diet, religiously. Took some meds for 6 months. Ingested overdose amounts of acidophilus. And, it worked!! It really did. It was so worth it.

Fast forward to 2001/02. I was pregnant and had a couple of mild flare ups. Nothing an OTC remedy couldn't help. That was it. Seriously and OH! so joyfully!

Until now.

I have had a couple of minor itchiness, but more likely some minor coochie-itis and not true bread making assisting ingredients.

But now. NOW. Ay yi yi.

I tried all my usual remedies, no go. Called the doc in tears, Diflucan please! You see, unlike our most fortunate south of the border yeast sufferers, Diflucan only available here by prescription, not OTC. Lemme tell you what it TOPS on my next USA shopping excursion list.

So, she gets me the diflucan - relief!!! And to continue with the OTC (generic brand of course, right Dani? saved me about $5 opting for that instead of fancy-ass brand name.

Wednesday night was a circus, in my bed. The Hubs is overseas, so no, not that kinda circus. It is late. I check on the boys, everyone fine. I get face washed, teeth brushed and all set up for the preparation of and insertion of 'the cream'.

I have a cat.

The cat starts to play with the little plastic dispenser. She is batting that thing all over the place. I am chasing a cat who is chasing my coochie fixing cream plastic dispenser all over my room. It ends up under the bed. Full of dust bunnies. So, I wash it off VERY WELL and prepare again.

Task completed.

I wrap up the used dispenser in about 6 tissues and stuff in night stand drawer to be properly disposed of in morning. The destructions indicate to insert while laying on back and to stay so reposed for a while. How long is a while? Well, in my house on Wednesday night, not very long. Not long enough.

Someone is calling. Is he talking in his sleep? Is it for real? If I get up, all the coochie cream is bound to fall out. That could be messy. And wasteful of one very much needed 'gina treatment. Shit. He is still calling. I do the bestest kegel I have done in my life, hoping to be able to hold it for as long as needed.

I dash, in almost Mr. Bean type fashion walking to investigate. He is fast asleep. False alarm. Shit. Reverse! Reverse! Vag wall muscles quickly losing much needed perma-kegel. Hop into bed. Lay down.

The cat. That fucking cat. I guess I forgot to replace cap on cream. She is playing with the cap. Not that I really care, but it is rather annoying, and now bugging me.

Kegel power #2!!!!

Back in bed.

Phew. Done. Bring it on Mr. Sandman, put me out of my itch misery for a few hours. I don't even care if you have to bring Nick Lachey back (although I'd much rather Colin Firth) just bring it on.

So the itch. WHY did it come back to me with such a vengeance after so many itch free years??? I look at the calendar. Sunday, June 18 - Father's Day (yikes, must make cards with kids!); oh hooray, it is the Sunday School Ice Cream Sundae Social; and whaaaa???? Anniversary!

Seven years.

The Itch.

Happy Anniversary to us.


Blogger gnightgirl said...

Ugh, how can you make such a miserable condition so hilarious!! I was just made fun of last night, for checking the label of every pair of panties I shopped for, insistent on 100% cotton purely for that reason. Nylon = bad!!

Well...I advise you to learn to walk on your hands. Problem solved! Your welcome!

12:56 PM EDT  
Blogger Marla said...

Fantastic post!

Josephine suffers from yeasty little diaper infections all the time, and the pharmacist says the foot fungus cream is the same Caneten as the coochie cream. So, Steve has to buy a lot of foot fungal cream at the drug store!

I remember my one and only yeast infection. I was looking for bannister to slide on and bicycles to ride!

1:24 PM EDT  
Blogger DaniGirl said...

Priceless! Wonderful punchline, and great mental imagery, too!

Ugh, the last horrible itch I had was in reaction to a hootchie cream, but the effects were delayed by about 40 mintues after i applied it, and I truly thought I would die of itchiness - on the overfull commuter bus on the way to work!!

2:28 PM EDT  
Blogger nancy said...

I have been known on many occasions to ask for an ice pack, and that wasn't for the cooler to go camping.

4:42 PM EDT  
Blogger BeachMama said...

That was the best description ever. And the ending, priceless.

Sorry that it may ruin your Anniversary :(

Should I actually say here, that I have never had one?


8:29 PM EDT  
Blogger twinmomplusone said...

What a hoot you are !

Happy anniversary :)

...never had one either...ducking with beachmama...

10:32 PM EDT  
Anonymous Snack Mommy said...

Ouch Ouch Ouch...I got itchy just reading this! Can't recommend anything as I have tried everything you have mentioned, and I too, rue the fact that one cannot purchase Diflucan OTC. Insane.

May all your itches get scratched in the days ahead...

11:24 PM EDT  
Blogger Silver Creek Mom said...


I'm soo sorry. I HATE BEING SO ITCHY too. Although I according to the Dr. only had bad Coochie itch. not internal. But it was horrible.

Happy Annivesary. Sorry you've got it.


8:21 AM EDT  
Blogger SRH said...

I can't believe I read this entire post. I just can't believe it.

9:05 AM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are all hilarious! I just started taking an antibiotic and have too been overdosing on yogurt, acidophilus, yogurt cheese, cut out all sugar, have been drinking tons and tons of water that I'm floating down my street...Last time I took an antibiotic, I had the raging yeasties for months. I'm actually terrified. Three more antibiotics to go..............

8:54 PM EDT  
Anonymous Cure Candida said...

You really don't need Diflucan, just take undecenoic acid and drink unsweetened kefir like its going out of style while taking an apple cider vinegar bath.

If that doesn't work, then Boric Acid Boluses. Problem Solved.

12:52 AM EST  
Blogger Herina said...

Nice post, thanks for sharing this wonderful and useful information with us.

Green Tea Diet

11:02 PM EST  
Anonymous yeast infection said...

So does Diflucan really work? As in you mentioned it provided quick relief right?

6:35 AM EDT  
Anonymous Thrush In Men said...

Very funny story and well written. I loved the anniversary part... Seven Year Itch!

I feel for those who suffer with this problem. Usually a good diet will keep it in check for those who are prone to thrush. Sorry yours didn't react this way the second time around.

Keep up the good entertainment! I love when someone can make light of a serious situation.

5:28 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said... has some really cool alternate remedies..check it out!

4:45 PM EST  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home