The Itch

So I have this itch. Not so much an itching to do something, just an itch. One of those nasty-ass yeast type itch. I am the former Queen of Yeast, having endured constant itchings on a daily, weekly, monthly basis until I dealt with it. For good.

In 1999 I was finally diagnosed that my recurrent yeast ouchies (among other symptoms) as a result of candida. So, I did as I was told, and followed their very strict diet, religiously. Took some meds for 6 months. Ingested overdose amounts of acidophilus. And, it worked!! It really did. It was so worth it.

Fast forward to 2001/02. I was pregnant and had a couple of mild flare ups. Nothing an OTC remedy couldn't help. That was it. Seriously and OH! so joyfully!

Until now.

I have had a couple of minor itchiness, but more likely some minor coochie-itis and not true bread making assisting ingredients.

But now. NOW. Ay yi yi.

I tried all my usual remedies, no go. Called the doc in tears, Diflucan please! You see, unlike our most fortunate south of the border yeast sufferers, Diflucan only available here by prescription, not OTC. Lemme tell you what it TOPS on my next USA shopping excursion list.

So, she gets me the diflucan - relief!!! And to continue with the OTC (generic brand of course, right Dani? saved me about $5 opting for that instead of fancy-ass brand name.

Wednesday night was a circus, in my bed. The Hubs is overseas, so no, not that kinda circus. It is late. I check on the boys, everyone fine. I get face washed, teeth brushed and all set up for the preparation of and insertion of 'the cream'.

I have a cat.

The cat starts to play with the little plastic dispenser. She is batting that thing all over the place. I am chasing a cat who is chasing my coochie fixing cream plastic dispenser all over my room. It ends up under the bed. Full of dust bunnies. So, I wash it off VERY WELL and prepare again.

Task completed.

I wrap up the used dispenser in about 6 tissues and stuff in night stand drawer to be properly disposed of in morning. The destructions indicate to insert while laying on back and to stay so reposed for a while. How long is a while? Well, in my house on Wednesday night, not very long. Not long enough.

Someone is calling. Is he talking in his sleep? Is it for real? If I get up, all the coochie cream is bound to fall out. That could be messy. And wasteful of one very much needed 'gina treatment. Shit. He is still calling. I do the bestest kegel I have done in my life, hoping to be able to hold it for as long as needed.

I dash, in almost Mr. Bean type fashion walking to investigate. He is fast asleep. False alarm. Shit. Reverse! Reverse! Vag wall muscles quickly losing much needed perma-kegel. Hop into bed. Lay down.

The cat. That fucking cat. I guess I forgot to replace cap on cream. She is playing with the cap. Not that I really care, but it is rather annoying, and now bugging me.

Kegel power #2!!!!

Back in bed.

Phew. Done. Bring it on Mr. Sandman, put me out of my itch misery for a few hours. I don't even care if you have to bring Nick Lachey back (although I'd much rather Colin Firth) just bring it on.

So the itch. WHY did it come back to me with such a vengeance after so many itch free years??? I look at the calendar. Sunday, June 18 - Father's Day (yikes, must make cards with kids!); oh hooray, it is the Sunday School Ice Cream Sundae Social; and whaaaa???? Anniversary!

Seven years.

The Itch.

Happy Anniversary to us.