Apple juice recommended

Baste me & bake me cuz I am a ham. Literally, according to this test. I was blogsurfing all over the place from link to link to link and I can’t remember where I saw this one (sorry whoever deserves credit), but I did it and found out that I am as funny as the rump if a pig.

the Ham
(28% dark, 61% spontaneous, 36% vulgar)

your humor style : CLEAN SPONTANEOUS LIGHT

Your style's goofy, innocent and feel-good. Perfect for parties and for the dads who chaperone them. You can actually get away with corny jokes, and I bet your sense of humor is a guilty pleasure for your friends. People of your type are often the most approachable and popular people in their circle. Your simple & silly good-naturedness is immediately recognizable, and it sets you apart in this sarcastic world.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Will Ferrell - Will Smith

Hmmm…I am OK with Will Smith, but Ferrell??

Play along if you’d like?

And I really really really hope this isn't the same test that Danigirl posted a while back where we all played along - wasn't that for something else?

Self portrait?

This is me in the winter. Remember? I get to wear pants now and no longer have to shave my legs daily. Isn't my husband the luckiest??

Test your 10 year old brain

Would you do it in a house?
Would you do it with a mouse?
Would you so it on a boat?
Would you do it with a goat?

Do what?

We were at the park (adjacent and used by elementary school grades K-6) and written on one of the play structures was that famous and adorable Dr. Seuss rhyme from Green Eggs & Ham. What got to me was the “Do what?” written underneath, in different marker and hand writing. Is it the innocence of a younger child responding to an older one, really not knowing what they are referring to. Are they really asking you if you would eat green eggs & ham? Or like the cynical me figuring it is some asshole of a 12 year old wanting me to think exactly what I did – would I have sex? smoke pot? drink beer? What would I do? Frankly, if I had both a mouse and especially a goat on my boat and in my house I’d simply hire a cleaning service.

This made me think about all the silly little rhymes we had as kids. Either the ones you saw scribbled on the wall in the bathroom stall at camp or school,

Here I sit broken hearted
Paid my dime and only farted
I think next time I’ll take my chance
Save my dime and crap my pants

(or something like that)

or what your 8 year old brain wrote in your friend's autograph book,

Susie, Susie in the tub
Susie’s Mommy pulled the plug,
Oh my goodness, oh my soul,
There goes Susie down the hole!

Does anyone remember anything like this? I have been twisting my brain for 2 days now trying to remember more. Anyone? Willing to share?

I welcome...

After reading her Welcome Fall post over at Beachmama’s blog, I got to thinking. What do I like best about this pending (now here) season. Here are a few things I came up with:

• The crisp cool sunny days spent at the park while not having to worry about heat stroke
• The diminished annoyance of bugs
• All of the mums that are in full spectacular bloom
• The soon-to-be piles of leaves in which we will frolic and jump
• Now we are wearing pants more often and I don’t have to shave my legs daily.

Yup – that’s it!! How terrific is it that I don’t have to worry about wearing shorts or going to the pool daily all while keeping legs and armpits daily? Woo Hoo!! A European (at heart) where I can let it grow and all hang out and feel sexy, I am not. But at least I’ll have that little extra layer of warmth under my jeans.

All together now “Eeeeeiiiiuuuuwwww”. Now how the hell did I go from jumping in the leaves to hairy legs? Sorry Beachmama, but I welcome more, the pants.

Just the usual

My hubby is away on business. This is a common occurrence in our lives. His recent trip has taken him to three ‘far away’ countries (we’re not talking Chicago or Toronto) over the next couple of weeks. He is so great and calls daily, or more, to check in with us. This time he tells me he is in Kingston. Period. I think he wants me to believe him it is Kingston, Ontario and not Kingston, Jamaica. Nice try. Last night his daily call was around 9:30 PM. The end of the day. I was crashed on the couch like a sad sack surrounded by a mess that resembles what Toys R Us would look like on a 75% off clearance day, the dishes weren’t done and the dust bunnies were so big I was confusing them with the cat. He asked how things were going, and what’s up, you know, the usual. So, I answer, “Oh, not much, just the usual.” He asks “Like what?" and my answer when something like this:

“Oh you know, nothing too exciting. We took the van in for the $30 oil change, which will cost about $175 for ‘other things’. B was playing jump rope with his blankie and fell backwards on to the corner of our bed frame, he only needed 1 ½ stitches, which btw, they didn’t freeze him for, but was a superstar and didn’t cry so we went to “For Toys For Us” for a reward and came home with a new Rescue Hero. The doorbell rang around 2 PM and it was my bestest childhood friend who lives in T.O. who I haven’t seen in almost 2 years. Yes, that friend. Freaked me out I was covered in goosebumps and bawled like a baby and freaked the kids out. We went to a friend’s house for a Happy Hour party/supper thingy with about 15 kids running around which was actually terrific (but not so quiet) so we got home a bit late which meant bedtime was a little squirrelly. B broke the hand held mirror while I was brushing T’s teeth. I sat T on the toilet and told him not to move anywhere, and made B sit at other end of hallway while I cleaned everything up. Good thing I made T sit on the can for 10 minutes cause he had a good dump. Then we finally went to bed and B starts complaining of a sore tummy, but he seems OK now, just hope he isn’t getting a concussion from his head injury. The house is a complete disaster. There are just way too many good shows on Thursday night and we don’t have enough VCR’s for me to tape everything I wanna see and the Boy team just kicked the Girl Team’s ass on The Apprentice. I can’t wait for the ER premiere next. So, nothing much today, just the usual. So, how as your day?”

He told me he loved me very much and hung up.

Special little thingies

Well, not sure if I can say I was legally 'tagged', but I wanna play! I wanna play! (jumping up & down in whiny voice). After reading Dani's blog earlier today, where she'd been tagged by Andrea I decided to play too. The task: to find the little thingies around the house that make your heart go 'aaaah' in some form or another. My dilemma (or so I thought) was gonna be what to pick as my favourites. I am known as bonafide packrat and clutterqueen so I didn't think there'd be a problem finding anything, yet there was. I have lots of shit everywhere but nothing that 'endeared' me so much until I really thought about it. The kool thing was that I didn't even have to walk around looking for things cause while I actually used my brain, it was E-Z to decide what I loved to see every day. Here they are:

Funky little keychain holder thingy - see the hooks? Nope? It's magic!! It is so simple yet I love hanging my keys on it every time we come in.

These are some flowers my kids made for me. They have been propped up in the window since March. I love them.

My rooster!! Gotta love my rooster as he sits behind my kitchen sink. He was purchased for me by me from sale table at Pier 1.

These colourful little vases sit atop our built-in shelves. They were a gift from a special friend (Hi Snack Mommy!) when she came from far away to visit me. I miss her.

These are two items that bring to me warm and fuzzy feelings. The classy lady was a gift from two very dear lifelong friends for my (oops, er, ahem) practice marriage. I do not look at the reason for the gift, but rather who it is from and what it relfects. The teddy is Johann (Yo-hann). We bought him on our hiking in the Austrian Alps honeymoon. He came from a nun selling him on the side of the road. I do not share him with my kids, he is mine. And finally,

I love this shit. A sweet little reminder like a dollar store garbage truck surrounded by nothing in the living room. This is my reminder that I am where I have always wanted to be, at home with my kids. This is their home too and don't ever want them to feel otherwise. To some, this sorta thing may seem like an interruption or a mess, not me.

Wanna be a butterfly?

I saw a butterfly, and it made me think. I don’t recall ever actually thinking about a butterfly. I was locked out of my house for an hour today and sat on the front step and watched a butterfly. So, here is my deep thought for the moment. (not à la Jack Handy)

I watched this butterfly (just one of those regular yellow garden type, not some fancy ass multi-colourful one) as it flitted and flotted about. It looked pretty as it danced about the garden. But shit, it also looked like hard work. Never in a straight line, kinda all over the place, up & down and all around, but…that little butterfly always landed on a flower. It didn’t care of it was a well cared for potted geranium, a pretty daisy, the sedum or a weed of a dandelion. It just seemed happy to be welcomed by whichever one was closest and I don’t figure it really cared much of it was landing on a ‘five star’ or a ‘weed’ of a place.

So, as I sat there it got me thinking some more. I am damn lucky the neighbours didn’t call 9-1-1 for the fire dept. to extinguish the smoke coming from my ears. Is that little pale yellow butterfly a reflection of something? Maybe life? I smoked thought some more. How we can struggle through our daily lives, arriving at where we need to be even if it is a difficult and challenging route, or not for us to get there. And when we arrive, how we can truly learn from not caring what our final destination may be. Going through the daily trials and tribulations, no matter how menial or difficult, I can only hope that everyone is happy and appreciative about where they land. I tend to think not. I am fairly certain there are members of the population out there that want to land on the best flower with in their private jet after sipping martinis and eating chocolate throughout their journey. Well, goody for them, and also fuck’em. I want to believe that being a little tiny butterfly, in a really big world while taking the hard road will teach us to be more grateful for where we land, what we have and how we choose to rate our success, no matter how big or small that achievement may be.

Am I making any sense? Or are you just really hoping that I never forget my house keys again.

Gone fishing...have a nice weekend.

Pass me a cigarette...

OMG!!! I just had the best, well, almost-as-close-to-the-best-sex-ever experience. He was absolutely fantastic. I just met him yesterday at, well, not a pub. I picked him up after a very brief introdcution and now he holds me hostage. He was the strong, silent type, very kind, gentle, courteous, efficient, very thorough and oooh so clean. (trying to catch my breath) I was enjoying myself so much I didn’t want it to stop. We were a little rushed though, and oooh, how I hate to rush a good thing, kwim? Sadly, my window of opportunity for my ‘nooner’ was quickly closing in on me as I could hear the Dora DVD nearing the credits. I can’t believe I just did that and I can’t wait to do it again. It was so exhilarating, energizing, and very soothing. He is not my husband, his initials are SWJ, I can't imagine how I have survived to this day without him. I'll ask him if he'll let me post a photo or not...stay tuned. Any guesses? Long live the nooner!!!

I did, I did, really I did.

Last night while doing various chores I composed an absolute brilliant blog entry, In my head. It was spectacular. Then I sat down to write it out and *poof* it was gone. All gone. Down the drain gone. Buh-bye.

I'll try to get it back, since I know you are ALL on the edge of your seats in anticipation (yes, all four of you). OK wait, I'll confess, it really wasn't all that good.

I think we survived our first day of preschool. I was a basket of nerves and a blubbering mess, but it seemed to have gone very nicely. We go again Wednesday morning (going twice/week for 2 hours) and so far no protests. I am not sure that I am OK just yet, but after seeing the experienced preschool Mommies come out of the drop-off skipping with glee, grinning ear to ear, there is hope for me yet.

Thank you for your patience (not sure just who I am thanking) but regular scheduled programming will resume shortly, this is only a test. Do not adjust your set. BeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeP.

SO...did you do anything fun, wild and crazy this weekend??

I did.

A million popsicles

A recent fun, meaningful conversation with my boyz that I will likely never ever forget.

Me to kids : I love you.

B: I love you with all mine heart.
T : I love you more.
B: No, I love you MORE.

Me: Well, I love you lots more.

T: I love you REALLY more!
B: I love you REALLY more this many (holding up 5 fingers)
T: No me! I love you really more THIS MANY (holding up 5 fingers)

Me: Well, I love you a million.

B: I love you a million possicles!
T: And I love YOU a million pockicles and all da fweeshies and lotsnlotsnlots till there is no more and you eat dem all and have to go to do gocies to buy more.

He wins.

Colour me orange

I am gonna burst. I am just as excited as I am a pathetic 38 year old woman. I am married, have two 3 year olds, a great husband, a dog, a cat, a fish all in a very nice home, everything I need, right? Well maybe just one more thing and it is finally here. I am practically peeing my pants. (go away googlers, I did NOT say ‘golden shower’) The O.C. starts tonight!!!

I can hardly wait. I didn’t get much into the teeny-bopper TV world until Dawson (thank you Christine). And that ended all wrong. Joey with Pacey (most of you were please with that, ick to me) and now Joey Potter is with Tom Cruise. Humungous ick. I tried Ninety-Two-Ten, really I did, but at that point in my life it was just a really bad fit. What others, 7th Heaven?? Gee, the acting on that one is really top notch, dontcha agree? Gag. Who cares, The O.C. starts tonight!!!

Which boy would you pick? Ryan or Seth? I won’t say who is for me just yet. I may even opt for big Daddy Sandy, but he would absolutely have to deal with his unibrow first. However, during that bit where he was ‘not’ cheating on his wife with his ex, (I do know their names, just not wanting to bore you even more) he was wearing a really hot leather jacket/coat. OMG if I could get my hands on one of those for Beloved he would melt…me! The O.C. starts tonight!!!

Are you tired of my exclamation marks yet? I am also excited about another show, which has been on hiatus far too long, Nip/Tuck. It starts here in Canada on the 23rd (got that Robin?) and likely earlier in the USA (got that Robin?) so all you Americans, please ssssshhhh – no spoilers please. The O.C. starts tonight!

Oh No!!! TWO Apprentices?? Holy shit, I’ll never be able to keep up. Martha on the 21st and Donald on the 22nd. Thank the TV Lords that American Idol doesn’t start till the New Year. Other notables are Vegas: Sept 19 (Mmmm….Josh Duhamel); ER: Sept 22 (yes I still love that show); and Amazing Race: Sept 27. When the hell am I gonna get anything done??

Yes, I am mature woman of the new millenium, setting a fine example for those behind me. Here is one more thing for this most scintillating and surely life altering post to all 4½ of my readers. Anyone remember the show H.R. Pufenstuf?

Have you ever told a fish...

That you went poo in the toilet? Meet Sammy, the latest addition to our menagerie. Long story short, little boy B went number 2 x 5 days in a row and voila!! We have a Sammy. Some boys are more partial to trains (à la Tristan), but this little one was so determined to not be bribed, so it took a little creative thinking. “M&M candies?” Like brother (who has been number 2ing for months) “umm…no thank you”. What about a book about the moon (note: parent playing upon child's not so tiny obsession with the moon) “The real moon?” Yes dear. “Ummm, not yet”. And on this went.

Finally one day (again I’ll spare too many details) but think little boy sitting on toilet with TV table in front doing stickers for 20 minutes until…the very first inaugural poop in toilet. It was so friggin cute – his eyes slowly got bigger and bigger and bigger then he looked at me (half scared) “Mommy, what’s happening?” and I very calmly answered, ‘Well, I think there may be a poo in the toilet’. And there was. After a few minutes of him being in a mild state of shock, the excitement settled in we phoned almost everyone we knew to tell them the big news.

The next step was to keep my newfound fortune (I truly felt like I’d won a lottery). The goal = a fish, just like their cuzzins. Since we were headed there for a weekend visit the very next day, I hoped the excitement of drooling over their cuzzins’ fish tank for 3 days would add to the attraction of using a special little fishy as a reward. When I told him this, he named the thing immediately. “OK Mommy, I think our fish will have a name Sammy”.

As you can see, I was not adverse to anything that would work, including the OMG how could you?? Bribery. Heck, it worked for more than half of the neighbourhood kids and they are all thriving and not seemingly too scarred for life, so who cares. It isn’t as though we bribe him regularly to eat three more bites of a meal so he can have dessert, oh wait, yup, we do that too. I hope Ann doesn’t scorn me forever, I am doing the best I can. Note to self – go buy that Parenting book this week.

Back to Sammy, almost every time B does his business in the toilet, of which every time I continually remind him just how proud we are of him, he runs to tell Sammy. It is just as cute as it is hilarious as it is ridiculous, again, whatever works.
And every time someone comes over who has yet to meet Sammy, B introduces them to Sammy and tells them he is here cause “I go pee and poo in da toilet”. Why does this not embarrass me? It doesn’t. I love it. I also grew very partial to Sammy from day 1. He sits on our kitchen counter and swims around in his little neon green paradise. I convince myself that this is not keeping animals in captivity, but providing said betta fish with a lovely life saving him from the perils of the stagnant waters of rice paddies, shallow ponds or slow moving rivers (as was quoted in little handout nice pet store man gave us.) I make the toast, do the dishes, he swims around, practically soothes me at times and yes, I talk to him, but I have yet to tell him, well, you know.

It isn't any better - yet

I put ‘yet’ cause I have to believe that one day, sooner than later, we can rest assured that everything that needs to be done, in regards to helping the people, will be done sooner than later. Beloved and I opted to watch the TV last night to catch up on the latest. We stared in utter disbelief for 90 minutes, not really able to say anything. Then I SAW the interview with the man that I’d mentioned earlier, and I nearly broke down. One of the headlines in today’s paper reads “Third World America” which rings more true than we’d like. How can one of the richest and powerful countries in the world let things get this far? They can send enough planes to Iraq and take control of a county in three weeks, yet they can’t get 25 000 AMERICANS moved out of an arena, within their own country?

I don’t question the inability to control a hurricane, but it is the AFTER that brings all these random thoughts.

Have they gone mad??
Can it really be true??? In shades of the reporting of incomprehensible acts of GW Bush on Phantom Scribbler (thanx for that link Danigirl) I have heard another very disturbing item. I am in NO position to be able to validate this in any way, but having heard it from neighbours, the radio and reading in the newspaper this morning, I have to really really wonder out loud. There are over 50 Nations offering assistance to the USA, mostly money, even the including Cuba where Fidel Castro apparently offered to send 110 medical professionals WITH supplies, and the US government has politely DECLINED these offers?? WTF? I quote the paragraph

“More than 50 countries and of number of international organizations have offered aid and technical assistance. In Washington, the State Department has not accepted the help, but said it was analyzing needs.”

Please tell me this isn’t happening. It goes on to mention that both the leaders from Cuba and Venezuela who are both currently at odds with the USA, are able to look above their discrepancies for the moment and pledge assistance. That is Fidel Castor people, HE is willing to send 1100 doctors, each supplied with medical supplies which would provide a certain amount of relief, no?

Why is the US (should I be pointing directly to egomaniac Bush?) so determined to turn everyone away. They can’t take care of themselves, I guess all of their help is in Iraq killing others, yet they deny the entry to those willing to help. I still can’t get over that some of the countries listed, willing to provide assistance in whatever way they can are in fact some of the world’s poorer nations. El Salvador, Bosnia, Sri Lanka. Remember them? They suffered the tsunami a mere 8 months ago and they are already willing to turn around and donate $25K – gold medal for them!

I’ll quit rambling and trying to paraphrase professional journalism, but the journalist is Kevin Sullivan from the Washington Post, and I am not savvy enough to figure out how to link it since it is ‘subscriber only’ and even though it is free, don’t wanna break any copyright rules, but I'll try How Could This Be Happening in the United States? (The Washington Post) By Kevin Sullivan, Page A12, September 04, 2005 Well whaddya know - it worked! I think??


Looting
I would, wouldn’t you? If I were in that situation and the doors to a store were wide open and I saw baby formula or Tylenol or diapers or clean underwear or bandaids or FOOD…yup, you’d see me fending for the health of my family and friends filling as much as I could carry in my bare arms. I have NO problem watching the footage of such actions and seeing people running out (like they are running for their lives) with 2 boxes of diapers in their hands. Good for them. However, if you saw me with a shopping cart full of televisions, stereo equipment of 3 piece suits? Go ahead, shoot me, I am on this planet for the wrong reasons.

Sean Penn
Anyone see CNN this morning? (Gawd I miss Bill Hemmer!) Soledad O’Brien is in New Orleans, ankle deep in icky water interviewing Sean Penn. The Oscar winning Hollywood actor and not some guy from Boston with the same name. Anyway, he was in New Orleans and on Sunday spent 8 hours in a boat going house to house looking for people to help, all while he saw bodies of the less fortunate float by. I missed the beginning of the interview but I understood that while he was on the water for eight hours, he said he saw only four other boats. FOUR. Does the USA not have more than four boats? Why are there not four HUNDRED??? He did mention that conditions were not ideal, but you can take precautions and still be safe and help others in dire need. And yes, he is going out again today. He was working with a New Orleans Historian (I forget his name, but he was also just as amazingly compassionate and committed to helping), and together they were arranging and organizing search parties. I also applaud Soledad for asking him why HE was doing this? Well, apparently no one else is.

Canadian content
Two very little things. (1) Also on the news last night was a small story about two Canadian university students who are studying in Colorado. They took their long weekend, drove to New Orleans with their kayaks on the roof and spent their weekend trying to help locate people lost in the flood. Priorities in place for these two young men? Abolutely!(2) Footage of Canadian tourists who had been caught in N.O. by the hurricane arriving home to the Toronto airport. Sure they were ecstatic to be home, but what made a bigger impact on me was how shell-shocked they still are. They could barely describe how horrible the conditions are, almost as though it was too hard to repeat. One guy even mentioned he would go back to help if his wife would let him. They were in tears making their comments about their experience, but not ONE of them complained about how bad it was for them, they all seemed more concerned about the others.

Back to G.W. I wonder how he slept last night? Did he spend yesterday afternoon cleaning closets and drawers and boxing up some clothes to send to those in need at the shelters, hotels, churches and hospitals? Let’s ask him, because we did.

Oh goodie - I've been spammed!

How is it that I am so fortunate to have my blog for a mere ONE week and already I've been spammed in my comments.

Dear Spam Gods,
Thank you so much, I feel so blessed and touched that you have found me. I think you are useless, yet I thank you for upping my site meter hit counting thingy. Now may I please ask you to kindly fuck off.
UNsincerely,
Nancy

I just watched CNN for an hour tonight and am sick to my stomach. I was in tears watching the suffering, and still am. Danigirl leads us to this link at Been There where we can help. So hard to believe this is happening in America. I am not sure why I feel that way, as it can happen to any of us. I guess I just answered my own query. We are all vulmerable, no matter where or who we are.

I read about this in our daily paper here today. This is enough to warm your heart as much as it can break it.

http://www.nola.com/weblogs/nola/