Helplessness
So, I've been MIA, AWOL, lazy, whatever you wanna call it. But, I just had nothing. Nothing. Unlike so many of you, I am not pregnant, not hosting beautiful breakfast parties, not sending kids off to kindergarten, and by far most, no where near the intelligence and writing capabilities to even consider about posting what Jen, Marla, and Marla again are talking about. I am not even gonna go there.
But, I am gonna go here: feeling helpless.
You are all aware of the horrible shootings at Dawson College last week. Well, the beautiful girl that was killed was buried this week. There were hundreds are her funeral, may she rest in peace surrounded by beautiful pink roses, which were her favourite. The asshole that killed her was buried the very same day. There was barely two dozen at his funeral, may he rot in hell.
In the past week around Montreal, there have been THREE incidents where students are threatening to copycat such shootings at their high schools. THREE. The first one is a 15 year old boy, his parents wouldn't even show up at court. The judge had to order them to show up. This morning on the news, there were reports of two more such incidents. These are not being taken lightly, schools being closed, police protection, terrified students and families. Not only will each and all of these young people face being charged and having a criminal record, what gets to me is that they will be expelled from school. Why does being expelled, that sounds practically minimal in the realms of punishment bother me so much?
These are KIDS. Teenagers. They are in such a difficult time in their life dealing with all the usual teenage stuff. They are (hopefully) just trying to show off, be a pain in the ass, trying to be "cool" yet, they are jeopardizing their entire future. Forever. And ever.
Do you think you could've rationally decided how to live the rest of your life at 15? Not a chance. It is hard enough to get through to many teens at that age, just HOW important their decisions may very well affect their forever. You know, do good in school, do your sports, stay healthy, pursue your hobbies, your dreams, get your ass off the couch and go for a bike ride...yadda yadda yadda. But hardly anyone does. Isn't that the age when kids start to truly dabble with their independence? Test their boundaries? They may try either drinking, smoking, or sex, or combination of. That's to be expected, we all did it (only I was a geek and never really kissed a boy till I was 16)
How do we get through to these people? I don't want to call them kids here, they are human beings! They have potential! They have just as good a chance to be a leader in life as anyone. When? How? Why? do they get lost from their path? I have a hard time blaming the parents each and every time. I have a hard time blaming the teachers. I even have a hard time blaming the internet. I believe (almost) everyone who has an influence on these kids genuinely tries hard, but also hopes for the best.
I was at a function on Tuesday evening where I was with a number of my former teachers, both elementary and high school. Some of them are still teaching. I admire them so much for changing with the times. My high school memories are nestled all comfy and cozy in the early 80's when I felt as comfortable at school as I could anywhere. Now things are different. In the high school I attended, a buddy system has been implemented for anytime someone needs to go to the bathroom for many reasons. This includes safety, protection, but mainly to prevent bullying, like someone taking a picture of your ass with their cell phone camera while you are taking a leak. You understand, so it doesn't get posted on the World Wide Web. A buddy system, is freaking HIGH SCHOOL. I commend the school for not taking as much control as they can, but I am also very disturbed at the thought of society being where it is.
What the hell is it gonna be like when my now 4 year old boys start high school, in another 8 years? I am already terrified. For them and for us parents. We do our best, we think it is working, yet no matter how involved we are or as open a relationship we feel we have with our kids, can ever really know what is going on? It is that possible feeling of true helplessness that scares me the most.
But, I am gonna go here: feeling helpless.
You are all aware of the horrible shootings at Dawson College last week. Well, the beautiful girl that was killed was buried this week. There were hundreds are her funeral, may she rest in peace surrounded by beautiful pink roses, which were her favourite. The asshole that killed her was buried the very same day. There was barely two dozen at his funeral, may he rot in hell.
In the past week around Montreal, there have been THREE incidents where students are threatening to copycat such shootings at their high schools. THREE. The first one is a 15 year old boy, his parents wouldn't even show up at court. The judge had to order them to show up. This morning on the news, there were reports of two more such incidents. These are not being taken lightly, schools being closed, police protection, terrified students and families. Not only will each and all of these young people face being charged and having a criminal record, what gets to me is that they will be expelled from school. Why does being expelled, that sounds practically minimal in the realms of punishment bother me so much?
These are KIDS. Teenagers. They are in such a difficult time in their life dealing with all the usual teenage stuff. They are (hopefully) just trying to show off, be a pain in the ass, trying to be "cool" yet, they are jeopardizing their entire future. Forever. And ever.
Do you think you could've rationally decided how to live the rest of your life at 15? Not a chance. It is hard enough to get through to many teens at that age, just HOW important their decisions may very well affect their forever. You know, do good in school, do your sports, stay healthy, pursue your hobbies, your dreams, get your ass off the couch and go for a bike ride...yadda yadda yadda. But hardly anyone does. Isn't that the age when kids start to truly dabble with their independence? Test their boundaries? They may try either drinking, smoking, or sex, or combination of. That's to be expected, we all did it (only I was a geek and never really kissed a boy till I was 16)
How do we get through to these people? I don't want to call them kids here, they are human beings! They have potential! They have just as good a chance to be a leader in life as anyone. When? How? Why? do they get lost from their path? I have a hard time blaming the parents each and every time. I have a hard time blaming the teachers. I even have a hard time blaming the internet. I believe (almost) everyone who has an influence on these kids genuinely tries hard, but also hopes for the best.
I was at a function on Tuesday evening where I was with a number of my former teachers, both elementary and high school. Some of them are still teaching. I admire them so much for changing with the times. My high school memories are nestled all comfy and cozy in the early 80's when I felt as comfortable at school as I could anywhere. Now things are different. In the high school I attended, a buddy system has been implemented for anytime someone needs to go to the bathroom for many reasons. This includes safety, protection, but mainly to prevent bullying, like someone taking a picture of your ass with their cell phone camera while you are taking a leak. You understand, so it doesn't get posted on the World Wide Web. A buddy system, is freaking HIGH SCHOOL. I commend the school for not taking as much control as they can, but I am also very disturbed at the thought of society being where it is.
What the hell is it gonna be like when my now 4 year old boys start high school, in another 8 years? I am already terrified. For them and for us parents. We do our best, we think it is working, yet no matter how involved we are or as open a relationship we feel we have with our kids, can ever really know what is going on? It is that possible feeling of true helplessness that scares me the most.
posted by nancy at 11:15 AM
6 Comments:
YES! This is the world I live in now. Last year in HULL the school where my daughter goes was in Lock down mode for a day. They were threaten by other kids from another high school with guns. The Police were there all day and so was the prinicpal from the other school Helping the police arrest anyone who came near my daughter's school from that school. AND I HAD TO LET HER GO BACK THE NEXT DAY! She never knew anythinga bout it becasue she went to class to rehersal and never knew they weren't allowed outside thebuilding.
Our world is strange and WHY does thing like this happen. Is our laws to light on young offenders. I wonder if teens knew they were going away for one hell of a long time the first TIme they did something like this or that, would they think about it longer, and maybe avoid it. Long gone are the days where a teacher can even touch a kid to hug them let alone protect themselves.
I pray when our boys get there things are safer and more sane, but the way things are going I'm not holding our alot of hope.
It's tough, tough, tough. My son made it through while I worried incessantly, and I'm still don't have answers. There were times that my preparing for what "might" happen was completely unnecessary, and only served to scare the bejeezus out of him. Other times he was prepared and courageous to face what was coming at him. Still others when he succumbed to issues which I'd warned him against.
You're still on top of the game though, just by tuning in. You're aware, worried, and will NEVER put your kids on Autopilot. What more can you do?
Wow, a buddy system. Sigh. And I was so excited to send A off to high school this year, thinking how fortunate he is to be starting the most exciting years of his life. I didn't really stop to think they might end up being the most terrifying.
Somehow, I was thinking of the bad kids from a teachers standpoint and not the rest of the kids or a parent.
I loved my high school years. I only wish I could go back and do some of it again it was so great. Every kid should have the same opportunity as I did, to go to school and love it and not be afraid.
From a parents standpoint, I wouldn't want those kids back at school either. At the same time, how is not going to school going to help them. Perhaps, they will have to go to a school that is locked up? At the same time, just because they aren't at school doesn't mean they won't go to school.
The question is what can we do to make school safe again for our boys in another 8 or 9 years?
It's very scary -- having to let your kids go out in the world; to put them in the care of other people; (but, even more) to realize that even if you are right by their side, holding their hand, even that may not be enough to keep them safe. It's one of the most difficult parts of being a parent -- knowing that something could happen to your child, but going on with your life regardless.
There's that saying about having a child means to forever have your heart walking around outside of your body. Boy, is that ever true. And we are never more aware of that than when we hear about something happening to other children.
I don't have any wisdom except to say that we're all doing the best we can. We prepare our kids for what we can and that has to be enough. (Oh yeah, and always work to change the world we're in.) Even thinking about this makes you ahead of the game.
it's a big ugly world and as much as we'd like to cocoon our kids away from it, all we can do is prepare them for it as best as we can and yes, ultimately, hope for the best
but I feel that sense of helplessnes right along with you
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