Getting To Know Me Questionnaire for The Winter Holiday of Your Choice Blog Bonanza

Here are my answers to Marla's questionnaire for the Blogging Holiday Gifty Extravaganza Thingy. Holy shit - this was harder than applying for a passport. It will be worth it though, cause I am thinking I am pretty much guaranteed that something fun will appear one day in my mailbox. Doesn't get much better than that, does it?

Fill in the blanks:

If I could get away with it, I'd steal the key to Tiffany’s NYC, because damn it, it should be mine.

I sometimes buy celeb gossip magazines, because I lust after gossip.

If you came over to my house to play and broke my red wine crayon, I'd be a little bit mad at you forever.

The colour shit brown, shit green, shit mustard yellow, anything that resembles shit should only be used in fungal remedy packaging or if human waste were to be redesigned.

The colour PINK makes my heart feel like it is full of happy kittens frolicking in a sunny, grassy meadow.

Thong underwear makes me break out in gooberous pustules (or else I just don't like it, but I'm too nice to say it.)

I might get sick or die if I touch wool (the itchy stuff) or ingest tequila, or look at Ozzy Osbourne.

Spiders, bees and wasps give me the heebie jeebies and I might need to seek therapy if I even think about it further.

I love the feel of flannel so much I have a primitive urge to stick some down my pants. (you don’t know how hard it was for me to NOT type vibrator).

No one should have to watch me eat spicy hot chicken wings, because really If I were eating some in private, I'd be quite a pig about it.

I would rather chew tinfoil and shave my head with a cheese grater than eat brussel sprouts &/or strawberries.

I DO/DON’T follow recipes because I am so not like Martha in any way.

For Marla, "White Shoulders" perfume will always smell like her laid-out dead grandmother. I feel that way about I am so sorry, blaming over-tired twin-mommy brain drain on this one but I just do not understand this one.

If I could, I'd perfume my own farts and those of my loved ones with the scent of lily of the valley.

I have TOO MANY/TOO MUCH OF pens, and not enough pens. (may I also add snowman decorations, lip gloss and candles)

Gadgets are for fun.

When people have kind, sweet and nice things about me, they're usually talking about my commitment to my children.

I can't be upset if people dis me about my brutally honest, candid and overly opinionated opinions, because it's true.

If I could have any talent in the world, I'd choose to be Wonder Woman and use it to survive when DH is out of town (that, and save the world from all perils and unfortunate conditions).

You are given an hour and twenty dollars to spend in one of these places, childfree. Choose one, or write your own:

A flea market, where you might find neat treasures and still have enough left over for some home made baked goods from that nice granny's table.
A picturesque pub, where a couple of great drinks and a nice tip might lead to some interesting conversations.
A craft show, because you really need to find a few more things made from twigs and yarn.
A gourmet food store, because food for the tummy is food for the soul.
A fancy and expensive boutique, because you'd rather have one lipstick from a great place than ten lipsticks from a dollar store.
Wherever! Whatever! Just give the twenty dollars to whomever's caring for the offspring so you can have more time to yourself!

And here's the last chance to make sure that you're not going to get a "Jelly of the Month" club membership when you're expecting your bonus for a swimming pool:It is important to me that the items chosen for me are FUN FUN FUN. (Examples: respect my Wal-Mart boycott, are vegan, aren't made by child or sweatshop labour, can be stuffed down my pants)

And If I could suggest that you read only one post from my archives, this would be it: this one or this one. No wait this one. (Sorry, I know I am cheating. Deal with it.)

AndIf I were to name the Holiday of my choice for this exchange, it would be: FESTIVUS (yes, à la Seinfeld)

(Please feel free to make one up - but this is your chance to say "Um, I'm Jewish but that doesn't mean give me dreidels!" or "More Santa decorations please - I only have thirty-seven now." or "Winter and gifts yes; religious denominations, no - if only all cards could be like those politically correct corporate holiday wishes!" if you want to.)