the fake threat
Anyone else as guilty as me? Likely not...but lately I find myself telling the boys of a 'threat' or rather a consequence, that I know damn well that I would never fulfill.
I just better be careful or it will certainly come back and bite me in the ass.
You know:
Them: Aimlessly and destructively wandering around the house, "I am SOOOOOOO bored, I don't know what I want to do. There is nothing to do."
Me: "What about the millions of toys in the playroom? Of you don't play with them, maybe I'll give them all away."
Result: They get played with.
OR
Them: dawdle, blah, slow motion....oooh let's read this, let's do this, dawdle slow as molasses
Me: Please hurry up and get ready or else you'll miss your favourite swimming lesson and we just won't go
Result: They get ready and we go. (and of course we would (and have) just arrived late)
So...why do I do this? Cause it works? It's easier than pulling my hair out? Cause I wanna me the boss of all mothers and be the most manipulative in the world?
I don't know. It bothers me, yet I continue. I guess till my ass gets bitten....
OUCH!
I just better be careful or it will certainly come back and bite me in the ass.
You know:
Them: Aimlessly and destructively wandering around the house, "I am SOOOOOOO bored, I don't know what I want to do. There is nothing to do."
Me: "What about the millions of toys in the playroom? Of you don't play with them, maybe I'll give them all away."
Result: They get played with.
OR
Them: dawdle, blah, slow motion....oooh let's read this, let's do this, dawdle slow as molasses
Me: Please hurry up and get ready or else you'll miss your favourite swimming lesson and we just won't go
Result: They get ready and we go. (and of course we would (and have) just arrived late)
So...why do I do this? Cause it works? It's easier than pulling my hair out? Cause I wanna me the boss of all mothers and be the most manipulative in the world?
I don't know. It bothers me, yet I continue. I guess till my ass gets bitten....
OUCH!
posted by nancy at 2:04 PM
5 Comments:
I feel your pain Nancy. I do exactly the same thing. I have had to follow through with a threat or two and it was really tough. I do try to make sure that it is a threat that I can follow through with.
I am married to the king of all bluff-callers. His ability mostly stems from the fact that he doesn't care about most consequences - truly. He just doesn't care.
His son completely shares this trait.
Therefore, I am completely jealous of your not-by-the-book-going-to-
come-back-and-bite-you parenting. I say use it while you can.
(See this is why I am a good friend but was a dreadful therapist. I'm all about the support - even when it's in no one's best interests.)
Hey! That was uncalled for.
Correct, but uncalled for.
If your doing it and it works, I wouldn't stop. Like they say, if it ain't broke, don't fix it...
I'm pretty careful about this one. I try very, very hard to never make an empty threat, and it drives me bats when Beloved does it. Sounds corny, but I think it's part of the trust process, being able to say "I don't lie to you and you don't lie to me." I'm sure THAT one will come back to royally bite me in the ass some day, tho!
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