---OLOGIES

In the truest form of vanity, I tagged myself after reading this on Dani's blog. It's long, a little onerous, kinda fun, and well, here it is.

FOODOLOGY

Q. What is your salad dressing of choice?
A. Home made caesar, or sweet vinaigrette, or Farm Boy Balsamic...I choose to choose many.
Q. What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
A. Can I say Tim Horton's?

Q. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
A. anything with a glass of wine and without crayons at table

Q. On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant?
A. 20%

Q. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
A. chips &/or popcorn, alone or together, bring it on

Q. What is your favorite type of gum?
A. Excel Winterfresh

TECHNOLOGY

Q. What is your wallpaper on your computer?
A.

Q. How many televisions are in your house?
A. three

BIOLOGY

Q. What’s your best feature?
A. arms - I have leftover muscles from my being an 'almost-an-Olympic-athlete' days.

Q. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
A. polyps from my uterus: staples from my knees, which had been put there at prior times to fix things; wisdom teeth; adenoids; two babies 27 minutes apart; and my pride, more than once

Q. Which of your five senses do you think is keenest?
A. taste

Q. When was the last time you had a cavity?
A. 10 years ago, it as my first and only one, at 30! This is one of my most proudest achievements.

Q. What is the heaviest item you lifted last?
A. a 45 pound child

Q. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
A. yes

BULLSHITOLOGY

Q. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
A. no thank you, not at all

Q. Is love for real?
A. I believe it is.

Q. If you could change your first name, what would you change it to?
A. anything but nancy

Q. What color do you think looks best on you?
A. pale blue

Q. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
A. many bugs while bike riding

Q. Have you ever saved someone’s life?
A. unsuccessfully

Q. Has someone ever saved yours?
A. No. I am thankful for this.

DAREOLOGY

Q. Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000?
A. Yes, but you would have to pay the people looking at me the same amount or more

Q. Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
A. I've done it for free, in a roof top hot tub, and have photos to prove it.

Q. Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
A. Left? or right? oh, but then I couldn't play piano very well, so neither

Q. Would you never blog again for $50,000?
A. says who?

Q. Would you pose nude in a magazine for $250,000?
A. again with having to pay the viewers

Q. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1,000?
A. yes, cause I figure I'd need $1000 will buy enough Tums and Pepto Bismol for after

Q. Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?
A. Never.

Q. Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000?
A. Yes.

Q. Give up MySpace forever for $30,000?
A. Yes. But I don't do MySpace. I don't understand it.

DUMBOLOGY

Q: What is in your left pocket?
A. I'm in my jammies, no pockets

Q: Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie?
A. Never heard of it. But it is an okay ice cream flavour.

Q: Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house?
A. Both.

Q: Do you sit or stand in the shower?
A. stand

Q: Could you live with roommates?
A. Been there, done that, not again.

Q: How many pairs of flip-flops do you own?
A. Pink, orange, red, blue, green, yellow, brown...

Q: Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
A. 1996. Winnipeg, MB.

Q: What do you want to be when you grow up?
A. Happy

LASTOLOGY

Q: Friend you talked to?
A. Husband

Q: Last person you called?
A. Dad

RANDOMOLOGY

Q: First place you went this morning?
A. Preschool

Q: What can you not wait to do?
A. Go on summer vacation

Q: What’s the last movie you saw?
A. Sleeping Beauty - Disney version

Q: Are you a friendly person?
A. Yes?

Tag...Gnightgirl, Zany Mama, and SRH - any others wanna play?

The Boy and his Princesses

We have an almost five year old boy. He is totally, completely, entirely enamored and obsessed with the Disney Princesses. He loves them all, seems rather particular about Sleeping Beauty.

We don't know when or how this started, it just did. He was allowed to pick his own brand new place mat at the dollar store one day, early in March, and he chose this one:

FYI - at the same time his brother chose this one:

Anyway, it has snowballed since then. We have colouring books, stickers, books, books on CD listened to over & over ad nauseum, toothbrushes and toothpaste, and I don't figure we are done yet.

We always had some books, but now they are treated like his first born will be. They are under his pillow every night. They go everywhere with us, Sleeping Beauty came to church today.

On his birthday present wish list is a Princess poster for his bedroom wall, and a Princess puzzle.

So far we are so totally OK with this. He is a four year old boy, we are most thankful he isn't 14.

Then he asked for a Princess shirt. We simply explained that the store didn't sell any in the boys section, so we can't buy him one. He was sad, but understood and seems happy enough with all the other peripherals for now.

The planning is in motion for the big birthday number F.I.V.E. celebrations. One guys wants a Lightning McQueen cake, and the other, you guessed it, a Princess cake.

I felt bad enough for not agreeing to getting him a t-shirt...why the hell not? Perhaps you can understand that one. But why, oh why should I care if he has a Princess cake for his birthday? I find myself having a hard time agreeing with this one.

If we have the usual family only party, with 4 cousins aged 3, 6, 7, 11...the only male being the 6 year old, I think we could get away with it. (however, I do know there would be more than one set of eyebrows lifted at the sight) If we go the half dozen of friends from preschool and such, I am not so sure. I know with all of my hear that he will not care one bit what anyone says, that's the beauty of the innocence of the preschooler (at least mine). However, such naivety tugs at my heart that I am so worried what the other kids may say, and hurt him in any way. I also wonder what the hell will he think when he is 8 or 9 and realizes we gave him Princess party for his 5th.

I am upset at myself for even letting myself second guess all this. I am a big supporter of letting everyone and anyone of any age be themselves. Isn't that what helps build self-esteem? Is this the base of who he will be for the rest of his life? Is it fair for me to manipulate that? Am I making more out of this than I should?

Should we really have that much of a grip over literally molding who they are, depending on their gender? I like to think not, yet here I am stuck in such a way. I thought I was the bigger person, and I think that even letting it be an issue is what bothers me the most.

We do know that if any little girl wanted a dinosaur theme for her 5th party, it wouldn't be such an issue. Would you let your 5 year old daughter have a Spiderman cake? Wear Batman underwear? Would it bother you if your 5 year old boy wanted a Tinkerbell t-shirt?

One of the best things I once saw, were Bob the Builder t-shirts in pink. Brilliant. That's why I think the Dora people created Diego. They needn't have bothered, a blue Dora t-shirt or backpack would've sufficed more than enough with this family, we LOVE Dora...but all paraphenalia is pink or purple.

Should we even be allowed to care about this? He didn't ask for a marijuana cake and hash brownies for dessert, he just wants a Princess cake. What's the big deal. Why DO we care?

Do you?

motion

Our power was off & on all day yesterday, very exciting to four year olds when the lights go out and the music stops, "It's another blackout!!" This is why I am rather behind in computer life and see that I have dozens of blogs to read.

But today I would like to submit a motion to whoever wrote The Rules. You see, I am about as far from a morning person than anyone can get. I lay in bed longer than that last minute and then end up running around like crazy so we aren't late. This is typical in our house any Monday, Wednesday or Friday morning, our preschool mornings.

So, why is it on preschool mornings, when we have to set the alarm (of which I hit snooze at least 2 times, sometimes 3) that I have to sometimes wake the boys around 7:45 to be able to get everyone dressed, fed and out the door on time.

BUT...on mornings like today, Tuesday, when we don't have to be anywhere until 11 AM, someone wakes up at 6:30 am ready to start their day. WHY is it always the morning after the night that Mommy was out for dinner & drinks with friends, ate way too much and went to bed later than her usual really late?

Why does this happen 75% of the time??? Therefore, I would like to submit this motion:

"All preschoolers must awake happily on their own volition on preschool days, but must sleep past 7 AM on those non-preschool days."

Do I hear any seconders to the motion?

take one and call me....

I was all ambitious in making an attempt to write this great big fancy-ass post with the most brilliant and humorous of punchlines, but alas, not gonna happen.

I am a recently 40 years old. I am an infertile. I have only been pregnant once. This after many attempts of drug induced manipulation to increase our fertility, and finally having the moment that means it all, which usually happens with candle light, wine, and Astroglide, happen in a petrie dish thanx to some guy I've never met.

In recent months, I have been having some issues with my plumbing department, one of them being severe bleeding and blood clots. We aren't talking about a paper cut here. It's more like someone opening a fire hydrant of blood from within my uterus. Remember how much I love my uterus?

There seem to be some medical options out there that may be able to help me. This week I met with a new gynecologist for the first time. He was terrific (and I have a funny story about that for another day). He spends a good 45 minutes with me asking all sorts of info, examining me, etc. It was very thorough. I will mention I had previously done bloodwork and u/s as work-up for this appointment. He has a plan for me, and the immediate, quickest way to help me for the next 4-6 months is a pill. A magic little pill. Yup. The Pill.

The Pill.

I am 40 years old. We have not had protected sex in 8 years. We are infertile. Our family is complete. And I am on THE PILL.

Maybe I could at least get drafted as one of those hotties in the commercials, you know, with the sexy, silky voice announcing to millions in North America "I am on Alesse". I'll show them my flabby tummy and stretch marks at the same time. That'll screw everyone up good. LOL.

The really hard part is knowing that now there really is absolutely no chance of even dreaming, hoping, praying, wishing, fantasizing about that eensy weensy teensy iota of a chance for that miracle natural pregnancy. Really hard.

Dear Parents of Twin Babies,

I do run the risk of pissing some of you off, but you pissed me off today too. This is a chance I choose to take.

I am also a twin parent. I once had two babies in the stroller at the mall. At the very busy holiday Monday mall in Montreal. Whenever someone, anyone, would approach me to admire, inquire or empathize over my twins, I always welcomed you.

Today I was at the mall. I saw three sets of baby twins. I did not seek any of you out, you were just there. Right beside me. So, I admired and inquired about your twins. They are all oh, so absolutely beautiful. But the response I got from you? The sneer on your face and complete ignorance would indicate nothing other than you thinking that it was me who just let go the smelliest of all rotten egg farts right beside you. Well guess what, it wasn't me. I just wanted to share with you those same feelings of being so completely blessed to have twins. Apparently you don't share my sentiments? I feel bad for you, cause IMHO, you really, really should.

Perhaps I am a little more sensitive than normal because our twins arrived after more than a little infertility challenge. I don't know about you, how it happened, where or in what position, and nor do I care. You will also notice that I NEVER ask. Because I sincerely do not care.

We always thought is was so unique and fun and everything warm and fuzzy about having twins bless our lives. I wanted to shout it out and share it with the entire universe. Don't you?

I do realize and respect that your window of opportunity is extremely short lived with 4 month old twins in the stroller. But I also don't think it matters if you are in the wine glass aisle at Winners or at an airport late for a flight that a mere 6.5 seconds to smile, say hello, and send me off with a polite "have a nice day" would kill you either. I mean, pul-eeeze.

Well, sneer away if you want. I for one savoured every single iota of special attention when my almost 5 year old twin boys received. Now I get more sympathy than anything else, and Lord know, there are days I need it. So I strongly urge you to enjoy every single moment you can, cause you deserve it.

I would also like to add that I smile and coo and "aaawww" at just about every baby and little kid I see. I love them all. So, I don't mean to intentionally exclude all parents, cause actually, the parents with singletons are rather nice. It was just 'you' twin ones that irked me today.

Yours in Twindome,

Nancy

P.S. Oh, and one more thing. I don't recommend walking by Laura Secord the day after Easter, cause you may just buy way too much chocolate at 50% off. Mmmmm.

and the parenting award goes to...

As puke-a-palooza continues (but we have been vomit free since 7 AM this morning (there is hope) I am ashamed to report the following.

Since Monday my children have:

• not had any milk
• not had any juice
• not had any vegetables
• have had minimal fruits, but most of that ended up in a bucket
• watched more TV in the past 4 days than they have in the past 4 months
• not been outside (but I do open their windows wide during the day to air out germs)
• had at least 5 bed sheet changes (cleaning and germ prevention)
• rec'd two new toothbrushes (again, with the germs)

Since Monday I have :

• not had near enough sleep
• eaten take out three nights in a row
• missed half of my favourite TV shows
• been wearing sweats
• many overdue library items

Stellar week, dontcha think?

puke-a-palooza

Oh.

My.

God.

The.

Laundry.


Puke Etiquette
There is such a thing. I have one boy (loud puker, who is well on the mend) who is a star in making it to the bucket, toilet, sink, or any acceptable receptacle for bodily expulsions. Whereas the other guy (quiet puker, no where near mending), who has been puking since Monday night, really, has no such concept.


***And note, should you choose to sleep on the floor beside your sick child's bed, you will get puked on.

numbers

• How many times can a 4 year old vomit, puke, wretch, dry heave, and have the runs, in a 12 hour period? 21
• How many hours of sleep for the mother of said child? 2
• How many games of Memory can a 4 year old win against his sleep deprived mother, who is NOT letting him win: 5 (she managed to win 1 and tie 1)
• How many loads of laundry can be done in a 16 hours period? 11, we aren't close to being done yet
• How many hours after preschooler #1 starts puking does preschooler #2 start? 15
• How many changes of jammies clothes do two sick preschoolers go through? 7 and counting
• How many times does mother clean toilets? at least 12, still counting
• How many blessing does the mother count that her hubby is not out of the country, and home to help in evenings/night time? infinity
• How many hours till parents start puking? praying for a big fat zero
• Peace out.

the fake threat

Anyone else as guilty as me? Likely not...but lately I find myself telling the boys of a 'threat' or rather a consequence, that I know damn well that I would never fulfill.

I just better be careful or it will certainly come back and bite me in the ass.

You know:

Them: Aimlessly and destructively wandering around the house, "I am SOOOOOOO bored, I don't know what I want to do. There is nothing to do."

Me: "What about the millions of toys in the playroom? Of you don't play with them, maybe I'll give them all away."

Result: They get played with.

OR

Them: dawdle, blah, slow motion....oooh let's read this, let's do this, dawdle slow as molasses

Me: Please hurry up and get ready or else you'll miss your favourite swimming lesson and we just won't go

Result: They get ready and we go. (and of course we would (and have) just arrived late)

So...why do I do this? Cause it works? It's easier than pulling my hair out? Cause I wanna me the boss of all mothers and be the most manipulative in the world?

I don't know. It bothers me, yet I continue. I guess till my ass gets bitten....

OUCH!