I have had cramps on a monthly basis since I was 11. Never missing one. Not one. Some worse than others, either debilitating or barely a twitch, but always something. Do you know how embarrassing it is missing 2 days of school a month in high school, and all the boys know why? Do you? Do you?? Why the unpredictability? Is that truly necessary? Do you realize that consistency is a nice thing sometimes? I should’ve bought stocks as a pre-adolescent in Midol, Tylenol, Ibuprofen, Naproxen, etc. I’d be a self-made millionaire.
I will give you one gold star for helping me carry my babies for 36 weeks, 5 days (but not really counting). However, you were a contributing factor causing us to practically re-mortgage the house in order to pay for the necessary assistance in order to get pregnant. IVF, ICSI, drugs, etc…yes dear ute, rather pricey. Finally, it worked, then you rebelled against the whole process and had some issues keeping me in the hospital for 18 days with OHSS. Then you scared us with numerous episodes of heavy bleeding from week 7 through week 15. What part of “no bleeding during pregnancy” did you not understand? Then you freaked us out again with a few days of pre-term labour at 28 weeks, another 5 day hospital stay. What was your point then? But, being the really really really nice uterus-host that I am, I will thank you for not contracting beyond the limits for another 9 weeks after that. Heck, I had my ass in bed 24 hours/day for 8 weeks after that, how could you not like that? Anyway, the babies came, all is good. Except for you.
If you aren’t able to at least try to help me get knocked up the ‘old fashioned’ way, why must you continue to torture me? I do not appreciate the 2 weeks of PMS cramping. Please be aware that a couple of days is the norm, but then I guess I know you are not anywhere near normal. I practically begged my doctor to “take this fuckingsonofabitch” outta me if it isn’t going to serve me well. She politely declined. Crap.
This new thing of providing me with that impending feeling of doom, that Aunt Flo will arrive this very minute, no wait, the next, no, wait one more for 2 weeks straight is ridiculous!!!! And for God’s sake, please stop teasing me by then waiting an extra couple of days to show up. I have already spent more than enough angst on wondering if this one time is our turn for a miracle, and also enough $$$ on HPTs.
I am so done with you, and if I had my way, I would get rid of you. I just had to share with you and the internet how much I despise you.